In just that one question, a whole inner world and history unfolds. In that one question lies a tale of body hate, diet culture, and ideas of femininity based in restriction, dampening of desires, and the Big Lie. And it keeps an almost billion dollar industry humming. Our great grandmothers were taught this equation, who then taught it to our grandmothers, who taught it to our mothers who then taught it to us. Sometimes it was taught by them telling us our bodies and our hunger were wrong and needed to be fixed. Other times it was taught by them telling us or showing us through their actions, words, glances as they passed a mirror or passed another woman on the street , or the various diet books they owned that their own bodies and hunger were wrong and needed to be fixed. No matter how it was translated, we got the message. Any chance of it leaving our psyche was made impossible by the culture at large that made sure it seeped into our very being, leaving no room for us to escape. And so, when I ask this question, my clients tell me stories of their mothers constantly being on a diet, spending hours at the gym. They tell me stories of seeing their moms swing from starving restriction to full on binges where everything and anything was allowed for the day or meal. They recount the first time their mom told my client that they were too big, too fat, too out of shape and needed to go on a diet, and so they would diet together. I need to get to the gym. The stories vary but what was communicated to my clients was clear: Mom struggled with her relationship to her body and food and never felt like she was enough. She never was at home in her body, and so much of her life force went into controlling food, controlling her body, and gauging where she fit in in comparison to everyone else. Even if their mothers tried to hide it or never directly said to their daughters that they needed to change, like an invisible but deadly poison, it still penetrated their psyche and self-concept. I can honestly say that in over a decade in my practice, I have not had a single woman come in who was grappling in her relationship to her body and food and shared with me that their mother appeared to have been happy or peaceful in hers. And more often than not, it trickled into their mothers then wanting to help their daughters change their bodies, in service of the Big Lie they were blinded by. Compared to girls whose mothers did not diet, girls whose mothers reported current or recent dieting were more than twice as likely to have ideas about dieting. The review also found that children as young as 5 years old report being dissatisfied with their bodies and that by preschool, children have already learned that society judges others based on how they look. They were told the lie and the culture solidified it because we DO have a weight bias in this country that needs some serious dismantling. We still look to them for guidance, affirmation, and to pick up cues as to what is seen as attractive and desirable by the opposite sex. We are also watching to see what they are doing in regards to body and food. If we know that our moms were sold the Big Lie and it affected us deeply, how do we rectify it and get to a place of deeper healing? While the answers are much more complex than something I can wrap up in a neat little checklist, I can offer a few places to begin:. Remember the equation I presented to you. The execution of the intentions were certainly painful and damaging, but her intentions were coming from a loving though misinformed place. She is a victim of the Big Lie and Diet Culture too. Begin your path to food freedom, and dismantle your psyche from the Big Lie, tiny win by tiny win. Reclaim your life force and make kindness and self-compassion the staples that body comparison, fear, and weight hate used to occupy. None of us wound up in this complex mess alone, and none of us should have to try to break out the cycle alone either. If this post spoke to you, comment and let me know below. And feel free to send this to another woman who you think could gain value from it…perhaps it could be a great conversation starter between you and your own mother or with other women you care about. Conversations create healing. Many thanks! Loads of write ups. This blog looks exactly like my old one! Excellent choice of colors! With thanks, A good amount of info. This is nicely said. You actually explained this effectively. Useful stuff! A good amount of material. Full access files are available every time, trance, dnb, house, dance, disco…. Well spoken of course! Well expressed really! With thanks. Very good stuff! My brother recommended I might like this web site. 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